Sylvie and Sydney
Sylvie Stephens writes:
Sydney is stable, but she is sleeping more, and her heart rate has been erratic at times. Her pain / comfort medications were increased twice over the last few days, and each awake moment is even more valuable. Because of this, I rarely leave her bedside.
I woke up today and kissed my Baby Peanut, poured some coffee, and had it while rocking my baby in my arms. I thanked God for another day with her, and thought, does life get better than hot coffee and a warm, sweet baby?
It’s not always like this. I had some rough moments this weekend, full of more pain than I could imagine. But when God knows I have hit my limit, he sends angels to help. It happens each time I feel deep despair. I have some comfort knowing He will help me heal after Sydney has gone to be with Him.
I have to hang on tight to my faith, as I am very afraid of how I will feel after she is gone. I don’t know how I will heal or feel whole again. But I also know that somehow I will. I have already been through so much and survived it. I have appreciated all the joy and grace that has been generated through Sydney. As far as her medical condition is concerned, I never feel angry, I never feel bitter. I feel HONORED to have had such an extraordinary baby girl. I feel BLESSED. I feel gratitude for the miracle she was growing inside me, the wonder she is here and now. And it’s not just me. So many people have been touched by this little angel. Here in the hospital and beyond, further than I dare imagine.
I will live among the gifts she has given me. My heart is bigger now, stronger now, because of her. I am more capable of love with this new heart, the one she gave me. I must LIVE for her. Not just exist, not just survive, but LIVE.
I’m still dancing with her, singing to her, reading her stories, cuddling with her, and dressing her up in the CUTEST outfits! It’s such a pleasure to be a mom. I am so grateful for the peace God has granted me today to focus on the present and truly enjoy her. She is a GEM!
All my love.
Pray for strength and comfort during this bittersweet journey…
