Surviving the NICU

Having a newborn transferred to the neonatal intensive care unit is unimaginable to most parents, especially when the medical issue that warrants the transfer is unexpected. I was recently emailed by a friend who gave birth 4 weeks early. Her baby was transferred to Children’s Hospital in Minneapolis from the community hospital where she was born. She emailed me to tell me the news and expressed gratitude for having some information thanks to my experience with Sydney in the NICU. I was inspired to share my tips for surviving time with a child in intensive care.

1. ARRIVAL. Most parents arriving to the NICU are overwhelmed, emotional, and scared. I remember receiving countless binders and folders with information, instructions on how to label and store my expressed breast milk, information about parent sleep rooms. Nurses and other staff introduced themselves. All I wanted to do was to hold my baby and to talk to the doctors about her. Ask dad (if he’s up to it) or a family friend to sort through the information for you and later give you an abbreviated summary.

2. REST… when you can, as often as you can. New mothers are exhausted after childbirth, exhausted by the feeding schedule of the baby. Add the stress of having a child in the NICU and the effect is compounded exponentially. I felt most comfortable napping in a recliner chair next to Sydney’s incubator. Knowing my baby was near gave me comfort, and I was so exhausted I didn’t mind the background noise of monitors, alarms and hospital staff. It’s the only place where I could fall asleep. Later, as I got accustomed to the unit, I felt ok going to the parent sleep room for a proper nap on a bed. Find the place where you CAN fall asleep and rest as much as you can.

3. RESOURCES. Use the resources available:
a. The Chaplin, for spiritual support and prayer.
b. The Social Worker, for emotional and mental support, meal programs, parking discounts.
c. The Care Coordinator, for help with insurance benefits, home care logistics. Sydney was only insured on her father’s insurance and it had a 2 million lifetime maximum. Thanks to advice from the care coordinator, I signed up to insure Sydney through my employer as well, and thus increased her lifetime maximum by an additional 5 million dollars. Sydney maximized her father’s insurance maximum after three months in the NICU.
d. Use Caring Bridge to inform family members about the status of the baby, or designate a family spokesperson to relay information. I received many well-meant calls for information about Sydney that I didn’t have the time to return.
e. Allow visitors OR politely ask for space. Everyone handles stress differently. I wanted to be alone with Sydney and keep my focus and energy just on her. But for others, having family and friends around is soothing and helpful. Find out what feels BEST for you and do that.

4. NURSES. Learn their names. In my time of incredible stress, my ability to remember names didn’t falter. But a good idea is to keep a notebook of names. Sydney had a new nurse every 8 hours during the first month of her time in the NICU. After that, I noticed more consistency. I later learned that nurses in my baby’s unit could sign up to be primary caregivers of a particular patient, meaning that each time they reported to work, they took care of the same baby. I learned this and was on a mission to get primary care givers for Sydney. If Sydney had a nurse I liked, I asked him or her to “sign up” for Sydney. Some nurses don’t take primary patients. And every hospital unit policy is different. But having a team of consistent caretakers was invaluable to me- these nurses were familiar with Sydney, what was normal for her, and what was atypical.

5. DOCTORS. My preconceived notion of what physicians are like (from experience in “adult medicine”) was altered. What I found was compassionate, faith-based men and women that combined medical knowledge, communication skills and empathy to take care of my infant and help me make the best decisions for her. I found it was most helpful to compartmentalize my emotions when speaking to the doctors. I found they would share more information the calmer I appeared. I kept a notebook with notes and questions.

6. THE BABY! The most important person, of course, was my infant baby girl. The lactation consultants helped me with feeding, but also emphasized the importance of skin to skin contact (kangaroo care), interaction (singing, talking) and holding her as much as possible. Although I was first intimidated by her feeding tubes, IVs and oxygen lines (and later her trach), I quickly learned how to pick her up and hold her and keep all her lines intact. And this gave me the greatest joy, the greatest relief and centered my purpose: to be her mother.

If you have any specific questions related to this article, please feel free to email Nathan’s Prayer directly at karen@nathansprayer.com or post the question as a comment. I will keep anonymity when requested.

Tags: Nathan's Prayer, Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, NICU, Sydney